it seems to me
that what we see
is never what it seems
seeming pointless
points drifting into convex structures
underestimating the sharp
tongues of my mind's eye
i repeated one night
alone in my bathroom
staring at my reflection
quivering, shaking
"it's not their fault"
"it's not their fault"
"it's not their fault"
"it's mine"
my body not seeming human
convulsing like a demon set free
my eyes no longer brown but black
lacking proof that life once lived
underneath this skin
the skeleton with hollow bones
the air flowing through
singing songs in minor
but deaf are the ones who listen
and dead are the ones who heard

a love poem to my vans

my shoes
worn from years
of walking
running
kicking
tripping
looking for places to step
feeling for solid ground
protecting my soul
from falling through my toes
shoelaces
like my friends
knots tied around their necks
tired of fighting the pulse that they hear
coming undone
breaking out into
songs and screams
yelling into the darkness
"you will not control me
i am stronger than  you"
where one day
my shoes
will guide me home

i took a hot bath
to relax
and shed off the days failures
the anxiety
the shame
the headaches
to wash that all away

and ill have you know
that when i put my ears
under the warm water
i heard my heart beat
and it sounded like
an engine
revving and ready
to fight