the lure

i want
to be gone
i dont really
understand
why pill bottles
taunt me
why rope
sets fires
in my brain
why knives
seem so
friendly
i just 
want to
be gone
and i dont
want to exist
anymore
and i want to end
it even though
my life is great
and i am surrounded
by loving people
why is it still
so hard to
get up in the morning
i want to get it over with
and i truly want
to feel pain again
because i deserve it
i deserve to die
or maybe that's just
an excuse
to be an idiot
and jump in front of a car

thunderstorm

driving home
that night
watching lightning
through rain soaked windows
flashes lighting up
the clouds
turning them from gray to orange
thinking hard
about why i should stay
imagining your face
stained with tears
guilt rising up in my
lungs
i wanted to scream
nothing makes sense
ever
will it make sense
someday?

*

poke at my eyes
but i will never let you blind me
punch at my ears
but i will never go deaf
take my life
and i will never get to repay you

pressure

my feet are under pressure
from this weight upon my shoulders
should be getting stronger
only breaking down

finish line

i never finish
anything i start
maybe that's 
why i feel
so broken
and incomplete
and unmendable

track and field

i am past
the point of no return
i am fast
running, not much longer
i cant cast
a spell to make it stop
please run past
you're better off without me

balled up fists and fire lungs

a lonely child
who dreams only nightmares
dark eyes long to run away
the smell of fire burns at sanity
never lost in a forest
full of pine and wolf hands
confidence is a liar
looking up at the moon
it says 'all alone'