leave me to drown, please.

i have heard many metaphors
the suicidal lion
the wolves chasing after me
the demons that haunt me
the ocean i'm drowning in
the tower i'm locked in
the sky that i just can't reach.

i hate floating
and fighting
and trying to get over
this pain.

if i were rapunzel,
i would've just stayed in that tower
so i wouldn't have to
deal with the outside world.

i want to lay here
and yearn for the stars
even though i'm lying
when i say "i want to meet them."

i know
if i don't work
i won't get better
and i'll die.

i know this.

i just don't know
how to keep hope
in my head.

it seems to spill
out of every crack it can find
my eyes
my nose
my mouth
my ears

i cant juggle
these things
and keep them inside.
my heart is too full
of useless insults
and masks.

like my desk drawers
that i never clean out.
it has started to overflow
out the back
and i haven't even bothered to look
at what keeps falling out.

it could be hope.