when the lights at the end of the tunnel
began flashing words of warning
i realized i was too dumb
to understand morse code.
maybe thats a problem
but i have a few good aspects
at least i can look good
at least i can listen and copy
like a fucking mockingbird
flying into a rainbow
like the end of a cheesy chick flick
but what am i to anything
if i cant keep up with my own heart
im trying to be impulsive
but these things always blow up in my face
and im not sure
i really want to understand.

and i dont know if its your eyes
or if its the way you smile when i look at you
but im searching my heart for reasons not to let go
and those corridors are crawling with fear
and those creeps never like to let go of the past
but if i have anything to hold onto
let it be your hand
because you said im perfection
and i said youre a goddess
and if i have one chance
i want to make it worth while

conceitedness is the first step to solitude.

it's hard to pass as alive,
when you constantly feel like you're suffocating.
when your stomach is in so many knots
that you start to believe that your body is actually turning against you.

i know it can't be true,
that when i tried to follow you,
you took 10 steps in the other direction
to lead me off your trail.

it makes me feel like i've failed,
all those times i convinced you
that one day we'd follow straight lines
until we collided for eternity.
but maybe it's like those things we learned about in algebra
(even though you know i never pay attention)
that come so close to touching
but never feel the warm embrace
of the knowledge that they are on a path
that will lead them away to infinity.

i want that.

but maybe you don't.
maybe it's all in my head
and the knots in my stomach
were false alarms.
all those times you were there for me...
i can't convince myself you were lying;
but i can't convince myself that you weren't.

i can't handle thinking about anyone other than myself right now,
and maybe that's a problem.
but all i know is that you've always been the one to solve them.
and it's hard to let go
when you've been trying to teach me
to dance on this ice for so long;
but when i finally free myself from your comforting grasp...

all i feel is the freezing floor hit my knees.

i want to lay here
and see if you'll come back.

maybe.

if only i weren't me.