tonight i realized something.

im not going to kill myself. not today, not tomorrow, not months from now, not years from now.

because fact of the matter is,

no matter how much my mind tries to convince me,

i do not want to die.

i want everything but -

i want to live, i want to travel, i want to see all the world has to offer.

yes, i will have bad days.

but everyone does.

on those days, i need to remind myself that they will not last forever.

i need to allow myself to cry

i need to allow myself to feel everything there is to feel

because keeping it in will not help me,

and experiencing these times will help allow me to grow.

i need to realize that i am not as alone as i feel. i need to remember that there are people who love me to the ends of the earth.

and i promise,

with these words,

that i will never let them down.

i now know i am beautiful.

inside, outside, and everything in between.

i now know i am intelligent.

because letters on paper do not define who i am as a human being.

yes, i am afraid of the future.

but you know what?

thats okay.

everything i feel is okay.

it used to take a 20 page essay to convince me of that.

i have made so much progress.