temples

it used to be easy to write
to open my mind
and spill out the garbage that it contained

i never once believed
i would be anything more
than a citizen
of a corrupt world
constantly rubbing
at the temples of my core
that were once only used
for praying

but since then
ive given up on my god
it was only a distraction
to your unstable reaction

stand up to me
tell me this is real
tell me all ive seen
is all that i feel

promise me
you wont leave again
but this happens
every now and then

understand that
these demons that i face
dont underestimate
my disgrace

i just want to
fall back to sleep
trust me ive tried
counting sheep

and im tired
of listening
to the radio

and im tired
of standing on
the very edge of my toes

please notice
im so close to falling

please notice
im so close to falling

tonight i realized something.

im not going to kill myself. not today, not tomorrow, not months from now, not years from now.

because fact of the matter is,

no matter how much my mind tries to convince me,

i do not want to die.

i want everything but -

i want to live, i want to travel, i want to see all the world has to offer.

yes, i will have bad days.

but everyone does.

on those days, i need to remind myself that they will not last forever.

i need to allow myself to cry

i need to allow myself to feel everything there is to feel

because keeping it in will not help me,

and experiencing these times will help allow me to grow.

i need to realize that i am not as alone as i feel. i need to remember that there are people who love me to the ends of the earth.

and i promise,

with these words,

that i will never let them down.

i now know i am beautiful.

inside, outside, and everything in between.

i now know i am intelligent.

because letters on paper do not define who i am as a human being.

yes, i am afraid of the future.

but you know what?

thats okay.

everything i feel is okay.

it used to take a 20 page essay to convince me of that.

i have made so much progress.

friend

friend,
promise me you will never
give up on singing in the car.
promise me you will never
lose that beat that shakes your bones
to the point where you break out
in dance in the middle of english.
friend, 
promise me that you will never
lose that flicker in your heart
that hope that punches all your shame
right in the gut
so that it cant breathe for a week.
friend,
never tell me
that id be better off without you
because you know what?
that is a lie,
and i will hug you so fucking tight
that your bones get scared
and forget what they were thinking.
friend,
never ever believe that you are not good enough
that you cant hold up
all that weight that society packs onto us
forcing 16 year olds
to carry mountains
that dont add up
to any of their lies
because as difficult as it is
you are still breathing
and you will continue to breathe

inhale,

exhale,

inhale,

exhale.

friend,
never be afraid to keep me awake.
i was up anyway,
and im sure as hell never going to leave you alone.
i will always be there for you
and i never break a pinky promise.
pinky promise me 
that you wont break a pinky promise either.

sing me tø sleep.
understand
why my eyes dønt cløse.
øne day
my hands will støp shaking.
i prømise.

fix them

what if i hung myself with a necktie.
what if i tied the knot, jumped away and flew high.
im not too young to die.

im not so sure
what he meant by
keep your head up.
when my head is down
finding every reason to stay silent
im less likely to fuck up.

why did the media never tell us
to fuck down?
show us what is shown
really only slows the show down.

to the point where
every award is a rip off.
im going to rip off the head
of one of those kids,
prof.

unfairly we spin in circles
like a ferry makes its loops
and i never did enjoy the water
once it felt good
now all i feel is the freezing bite
of death nipping my ankles
i wonder, i wonder if i could

find the will to fight
despite
every
error
i
have
ever
made

a glitch in the system
fix them,
fix them,
fix them