:
and when the lights above me
begin to dim,
and the crowd of anxious people goes silent,
and they wander off into the night
to tread on with new memories...
i will still be here.
i will be here, sitting solemnly on the edge of the stage,
wondering to myself
why i haven't gone home yet.
i will stare out at the dark, empty audience,
just moments ago full of life,
and dream darkly about where i came from.
why the deep abyss in my heart has yet to subside.
the cold silence sinks deep into my brain
the beating of my heart the only sound to outplay it.
my hands beat with blood, my veins push at my skin
in an attempt at freedom.
they remind me of tree roots, though not nearly as strong.
i could not withstand the weight of the concrete slabs
a foundation on which my childhood was built.
avoiding large cracks and shifts in the sidewalk
but one day tripping over all i thought i knew.
scars sting my innocent knees..
and trauma resides in my eyes.
::
and then you'll come find me
as you always do.
you care, you worry when i don't come home.
you tend to this aching soul,
you stir a never ending breath of whispers
deep inside my battered lungs, my bruised ribs that say,
"keep going".
but i only hear your voice.
i rarely listen to my reasoning self.
only the fear that resides behind.
i need the sweet songs locked in your throat
to guide me home.
i am blind, i am deaf, i feel nothing locked in a box.
but you're still here,
taking my hand as i struggle to take another deep breath.
i don't know how i managed to get that. get you.
and you'll help me down from behind the thick curtain.
you'll hug me until the pain subsides.
and we'll go home.
it's okay to cry.
it's okay to feel.
i know now that i am at home when i'm with you.
you will take my hand,
and we will embrace another day.
i admit that i am weak.
but with her i am safe to be.
