description?

i sort of feel like i should explain myself.

i kinda just opened up this blog, threw a shit ton of poems on it all at once, and never said anything about it.

but the thing is, explaining myself is... hard? i dunno, really. i'm not completely comfortable with the idea, because i've been through a lot, and well, if any of my friends find this...

i'm sorry.

god, i just... poetry is my way of venting pain. i'm no vincent van gogh, turning pain into beauty, no... pain is pain. pain, to me, can only be portrayed one way. but it might just be the fact that i find no purpose in happiness or positivity. my mind is void of all emotion except sadness and hurt. and that sounds like a bad thing, but i've kinda come to terms with it somewhat. actually that might be a lie. i have no idea.

but i don't want to explain this like a fucking diary. i've tried keeping diaries before to no avail. my words just continued to lose meaning.

i guess that's why i like poetry so much, because when using small amounts of words you can hide a deeper meaning behind them. i like digging for things like that. sometimes i take my old poems and dig around, even though i know what i was thinking when i wrote them, so i can find even more meaning in these words.

but hey, before i end this, i just want to put it down for the record (if you havent already figured it out from my work) i have severe depression and anxiety, and i'm struggling with wanting to take my own life.

but if you keep seeing poems here, it means i'm still alive. unless i turn into a ghost and then i can haunt this computer. that would be pretty awesome. afterlife art. fun stuff.

anyway, i hope my blog doesn't get you guys down as low as i am myself. i would say that i'll keep fighting, but i hate to lie. i dunno what's going to happen, honestly. i'm probably going to regret writing this. oops.

-Michele