waking up

waking up
is the hardest part.

first a fog
then people
moving around you
come into consciousness
and you recognize
that ugly voice in your head
the bad one
that sticks out
like a blade
in your brain

and it compares
pros and cons
of actually getting up.
most of the time
cons outweigh
the pros

and then the
yelling starts
"get up"
they say
"get up"

and the ugly
voice
chimes in
except angrier

and i want
to hide
i don't want
to come back
to this
i don't want
my insults
i just want
to go back
out of consciousness
to sleep
because

there's no real
point to getting
up

and as that ugly voice
says,

"nobody even
wants you here
anyway."