inhale

i inhale
so deep
that i feel like
i am swallowing
all the air in the room
so that there is none left
for anyone else
and i hold it
it clatters around my lungs
bouncing off the wall
like the air
has had too much
caffine and
it stays there

and i think

a lot of that dread
rises up to my head

i think a lot of that anxiety
bubbles up deep inside of me

i think the air we breathe
takes my blood under seige

fighting to be let out
through pain and shouts

i guess every time my hands shake like earthquakes
it's really just the fear's double-takes

rolling underneath my skin
yelling "let me out, dont keep me in"

but i never listen, because what would that make me
healthly? what everyone wants me to be?