they

i never realized
how much i hated
who i am

who i have been
these past 15 years
all the
"she"'s
and "her"'s
and "young lady"'s

now that i know
[or at the least believe]
this is what i am

those words
burn against my mind
a searing pain
of what i used to be

i am not a girl
[i am not a girl]
i am not a girl

i can remember
when i was like 5
or 6
talking to my dad
in the backyard of
my new house

"i hate being a girl"

"why?" he asked.

"because girls
have to wear dresses
and have babies
and play with barbies"

and my dad smiled
with his kind face
and said
"soft old thing,
it will be ok someday."

when will today
become a someday
when will someday
be the day
that i can be
who i truly
am