the cemetery

the other day
i saw
a cemetery

there was
a huge gate
and many trees
surrounding

i thought to myself

when i die
[as soon]
[as i go crazy]
this wouldn't be
such a bad place
to sleep

street noise

my words
are not the same
as they once were

where did the meaning
go

my frustration
taken out on a pocket knife

blame will fall on me
people will try to
ignore the fact but
at least i know
the truth

is that
all that
matters?

perspective

I wonder
what would happen
if I stood on my head
and tried to keep silent

maybe the words
would spill out
my ears

better explainer
than me

reminder

teach me how to be lonely
im drifting in and out of reality
help me find my sanity
for the manatees
im crazy
my brain is sick and hazy
but teach me how to be lonely
so i can touch base with reality

good(bad

im losing this battle
but not in the way that you thought.

i'm losing this battle
the sides are flipped
the good is coming for me
and i'm standing in my armor

im losing this battle
happy is coming for me
dragging me on the ground
my fingers scratching at the dirt
screaming with a cloth in my mouth
"you lost, kid
you lost and now you mean nothing"

no more pain
this is not my comfort zone

no more wanting to die
cant take away my will

you have to fight now,
or else
i'll take the ultimatum
anything is better
than getting better
youre asking a cripple
to get up and walk
fuck you
my brain doesnt work
there is damage from
your battles
good is the bad here
there are scars where trees had been here
this is all my fault
this is all my fault

typical

i wake up just fine
until i realize that my spine
is not broken and my head begins to whine
about why i should decline
this offer of life 'cause y'know im not fine.

and i brainwash myself
throughout the day because when you see yourself
in the mirror you shiver because in it of itself
you're just a stupid elf
so i keep my mind occupied to keep away from myself.

and when night grows nearer
and my thoughts become clearer
i begin to fear her 
'cause i cant see out my rearview mirror

anymore and my stomach drops
and everything stops

and i think it'd be a good thing
to bring
out all my demons until i hear the ring
of my own screams echoing in my ears and i spring

from my own skin petrified.

and just before the morning
my friends call out a cry of warning

and i could never do it in the first place
and i begin to chase
my own tail over and over because this race
cannot be won and with a straight face
i sit in my place

and think about dying again.

_

i am
sleepwalking
through this
world
without an
ounce of
hope
left
just confusion